Sunday, January 06, 2008

Mistake

Ever felt like you don't matter?
Like everyone you know is a fake?
Like if you take off your mask, the real you isn't worth seeing?
Like everyone around you deserves better than what you have to offer?
Have you ever felt like you were a mistake and no matter how you try to fix it you just make it worse so you feel like hurting yourself as punishment for being so stupid?
I do.
Everyday.
I am a mistake.
M-I-S-T-A-K-E
my kindergarten teacher taught me to spell words by looking at it, reading it, spelling it, then reading it again.
M-I-S-T-A-K-E
Its a word I know well because its what I am.
My mom didn't want to get pregnant with me.
I was a nuisance that made her drop out.
I burdened her life with the useless piece of crap she is cursed to call her daughter.
Me.
M-E.
Me.
Describe that.
Its hard.
You can't get a straight answer, because I don't even know who that is anymore.
I haven't made the world a better place by being in it, because I haven't done anything to improve it.
So I don't know who I am.
But I know who I've become.
This is me.
I don't need a mirror to see that I am ugly.
All I have to do is look inside of me.
-Kitty-

1 comment:

  1. Hi,came across your writing by counceidence (but I know there are no coincedence in life). I too was a mistake, but now my Mom thanksGod for this mistake, because she is sick and I take care of her. I too tought I was worthless, and did not matter, but I was WRONG. I do matter I do make a difference in this world, and so do you. Search your soul an ask God to help you and lead you where you are suppose to go, and He will answer you. Read my story what happen to me in the year 2000www.teamangelsfoundation.org (Sounds like you are very dipressed and you do not see how valuble you are. Please see a doctor I was dippressed too,but I am better know.
    God Bless You, and may You always have an Angel by your side!

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